Towards a Dark Horizon Read online

  The nurse reappeared carrying a white wrapped bundle. Daniel James Patrick Ryan looked bored with life as he gave a huge yawn, showing a tiny pink, moist cavity. His face was also screwed up with all the effort he had put into the yawn. He was lovely.

  ‘Oh, Maddie, he’s gorgeous. What an adorable baby!’

  Maddie perked up and tried hard not to look smug. ‘I think so as well.’ Then her face fell and she whispered, ‘If only Danny could be here to see his son, then life would be perfect. I hate this awful war and all the killings that are taking place.’ She began to cry silently and I couldn’t bear it.

  ‘Maddie,’ I said, ‘I don’t think Danny is dead.’

  She gave me a strange look and wiped her eyes.

  ‘I just have this feeling and I can’t explain it but you have to believe that he’s alive.’ I decided to be frank with her – mumbo-jumbo or not. ‘Do you remember I told you I didn’t think Danny was dead?’

  She nodded. ‘Hattie says it’s just superstition.’

  I waded in deeply. ‘I went to see Ma Ryan yesterday to ask her about something I overheard a long time ago.’

  Maddie looked puzzled.

  ‘I heard Ma tell Kit that Danny would be in another country for a few years but he would come home again and that he would be all right.’

  There was a glimmer of hope in her blue eyes. ‘Is Ma really reliable with her predictions?’

  ‘It can’t be proved one way or another but she was spot on with the warning she gave me years ago.’

  For the first time since Danny’s disappearance, she looked like the Maddie I remembered. She grinned. ‘You’ve made me feel so much better, Ann, but then you always do.’

  I thought a small warning should be given. ‘Maddie, remember it’s just my feelings and Ma admits she doesn’t always get the entire picture – just fleeting images – so please give this a bit of thought and don’t take my word as gospel.’

  She smiled. ‘No, I won’t but what you’ve told me has helped me a great deal. Anyway who knows where Danny is? A bit of mumbo-jumbo isn’t going to turn me into a raving lunatic, is it?’

  I left the magazines I had brought and the brightly drawn card that Lily had made. She had been learning about Samson and Delilah at school and her card reflected this. It showed a tiny Delilah who looked like Maddie and she was holding a gigantic Samson of a baby. He was drinking from a huge bottle and this made Maddie smile.

  The nurse appeared again and it was time to leave. I said goodbye to Maddie and Daniel James Patrick Ryan.

  When I reached the door, she called out, ‘Thanks for everything, Ann!’

  ‘I’ll be back to see you soon so keep your chin up – promise me.’

  Daniel let out a loud wail that drowned out her answer and I left.

  Dad and Rosie got married on the first Saturday in March. It was a simple ceremony at the registrar’s office but it was a very happy occasion for us all. Alice did sniff a little bit at the thought of her daughter marrying Dad because she hadn’t truly forgiven him for his earlier cavalier treatment of her. Still, by the time we were all sitting in the office, she seemed to cheer up.

  Rosie looked lovely in a deep blue dress with a little beaded bolero. She wore a matching hat with a small veil that had tiny blue velvet spots doted over its filmy surface and I thought how young she looked with her short haircut. Gone was the ageing and ponderous bun at the nape of her neck.

  I was the bridesmaid and although Lily wasn’t an attendant she was still dressed up with a flower pinned to her new frock.

  Kit’s husband George was the best man. Because of the rationing, it was a bit of a struggle to put on a decent wedding meal but we all combined coupons and contributed to it.

  The reception was held in Granny’s house and there were fourteen guests. Granny and Alice had set out the table with a selection of small sausage rolls, sandwiches and cakes. There was even a little wedding cake which Hattie had donated to the occasion.

  Rosie was radiant and Dad looked chuffed. Before we toasted the happy couple with small glasses of sherry, Dad made a speech.

  ‘I want to thank my new wife, Rosie, for standing by me all these years – she’s never let me down, bless her. Here’s to many happy years together.’

  Rosie blushed and Alice looked pleased and we all toasted them and agreed about the sentiment.

  I noticed how Kit and George seemed less tired and pale faced. Having a job had injected George with a new lease of life – not only for himself but for his whole family.

  Connie was sitting next to Bella who was, as usual, drinking something stronger than sherry. She had her medicine bottle in her hand and Connie was shaking her head over something Bella was saying.

  Hattie was truly elegant but she made Rosie feel special when she commented on how lovely she looked.

  I was so proud of Granny and Grandad as they stood beside Lily. It had been almost ten years since Mum’s sudden death and we had all been through so much but they had been towers of strength.

  Lily was excited at the thought of having Rosie live with us but I didn’t tell her we would have to look for somewhere else to stay. It wasn’t fair on the new bride to have two lodgers in the next room. But, for the moment, it was all love and joy.

  Margot’s name wasn’t mentioned but her shadow was there all the same – at least it was with me. She was awaiting trial and how it would end no one knew. Still, she was a beautiful and resourceful woman so she would survive – I was sure of that.

  Maddie came towards me and I didn’t know what to say to her. There was still no word about Danny and I now regretted my impulsive talk with her in the nursing home.

  Daniel was almost three months old and the Pringles were looking after him for a few hours to let her come to the wedding. Her initial spark of hope had now gone and, although she never chided me for raising her spirits with my silly story of intuition and sixth sense, I sometimes felt it lay between us like a dark unspoken thought.

  And now she was coming towards me. I tried to smile but failed. Instead, I looked at the bride. ‘Rosie’s looking lovely, isn’t she?’

  She nodded but I knew her thoughts were elsewhere.

  ‘I’m glad that Dad has come to his senses but sometimes you just need a bit of time to work things out for yourself.’

  She sat down beside me and folded her hands on her lap. For the first time ever since I’d known her, I wasn’t sure what to say to her so I took one of her hands and held it tightly. No words were spoken but we both knew we were thinking of Danny.

  After a few moments, she said she had to leave. ‘Daniel will be needing his next feed.’ She smiled. ‘The little glutton, he’s always eating.’

  I looked over at Lily. She was stuffing a huge sandwich in her mouth and we both laughed at her.

  ‘I think it’s a family trait, Maddie.’

  Then she was gone.

  In the early evening when most of the guests had gone home, Dad and Rosie left for an undisclosed destination. Much to Lily’s outrage, they wouldn’t say where they were going – and this was despite her questioning them with a third-degree interrogation that would have made a Hollywood detective proud.

  When they left, she turned to me in disgust. ‘Imagine not telling me – their own wee lassie.’

  Granny gave me an affectionate look and we were both grateful to Rosie for making Lily feel like she was her lassie.

  It was the thirteenth of March and Dad and Rosie were back from their few days’ honeymoon. We were sitting in the kitchen when the sirens went off. We all debated about going down to the shelter.

  Dad said, ‘Let’s give it a miss but we’ll maybe have to go later.’

  We went to bed full of apprehension. The sirens kept up the eerie wailing sound and, at about three o’clock in the morning, we decided to get dressed and just lie on top of our beds, in case we had to move quickly.

  ‘Somebody is getting the Luftwaffe’s rage tonight,’ said Dad.

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bsp; But, as the night wore on, we realised Dundee wasn’t on the Luftwaffe’s agenda and we fell into fitful sleeps. Although Rosie was still working in the mill, she had taken a few weeks off for her wedding so she was able to see Lily off to the school.

  I set off for work feeling bleary-eyed and still half asleep and I wasn’t alone. Connie and Joe were the same. No one knew who had been bombed during the night but Joe guessed it was Glasgow. Later that day came the news that it had been Clydebank. I felt ill and prayed that Minnie and Peter were safe. They lived right bang in the middle of the bombing target.

  In the afternoon, Rosie and I went to the Overgate and I thought of going to see Mrs McFarlane, Minnie’s Mum. Before I got the chance, we met one of her neighbours.

  ‘You were a pal of Minnie’s, weren’t you?’ she asked.

  I nodded, too afraid to speak – afraid of what was coming next.

  ‘You’ll have heard that Clydebank was razed to the ground last night and poor Mrs McFarlane hasn’t had any word about Minnie or her wee lad Peter. She hasn’t stopped crying since last night and the grapevine says there are lots of people dead.’

  I felt faint and my face went white. I remembered the last time I had seen Minnie and Peter and how I had felt that overwhelming sense of sadness. Would I ever see them again? It would seem not if there was all that carnage throughout the night.

  I felt this deep anger rise in my throat at this stupid and futile war. Hitler fighting more countries but at what cost? Millions of innocent lives lost for a piece of land.

  Granny was also shocked when we told her. ‘Poor lassie and her poor wee laddie,’ was all she could say. But what else could be said? Just another two casualties of war.

  There was a letter waiting for me from Greg when we arrived back home. He wrote, ‘The skies of London are ablaze with fire and I hear the damage is terrible in both lives and property. We’re lucky where we are if lucky is the right word.’ He went on to say he was missing me and he signed off with his usual flourish, ‘See you soon, I hope.’

  I didn’t answer that night. I tried to keep my letters as cheerful as possible but, at that moment, I felt far from cheerful.

  We were listening to the wireless in the evening when the sirens went off again. We looked at each other in horror.

  Rosie said, ‘Do you think it’s our turn tonight, Johnny?’

  Dad nodded and we trooped downstairs to the concrete shelter. Although we were all warmly wrapped up, it felt cold and damp. Still, once it filled up with people, the temperature rose slightly.

  Much later, when the all-clear sounded, we walked home under a cloudless sky with the moon shining – a bombers’ moon. We were just inside the door when the sirens went off again but we decided to stay where we were and repeat our routine from the previous night. I wondered if we would get any sleep during this war and it crossed my mind that maybe Hitler was trying to kill us all off with insomnia.

  Joe seemed a bit chirpier the next morning but Connie gave him a warning glance. I heard her whisper to him, ‘Don’t mention Clydebank, Joe. Ann’s pal and her wee laddie lived there and she thinks they’ve been killed.’

  Joe gave me a sad look. They then began to discuss the uncomfortable conditions in the shelter.

  Connie said, ‘I was in that awful shelter for most of the night and I’ve made up my mind, when the siren goes off, I’m staying in my bed. I’m getting too old to be haring off to any shelter with all the dampness and cold. No, from now on, if a bomb hits me, it’ll hit me in my bed.’

  Joe agreed with her but she looked at me and added, ‘Mind you, if I had bairns, then that would be different – you have to put their welfare before any discomfort.’

  The rest of the day passed in a blur of animated discussions between Connie and her customers but, to give her her due, she made sure Clydebank wasn’t mentioned.

  When I got home that afternoon, tired and worn out with sadness and sleeplessness, I found the house empty. I knew Rosie would be standing in some long queue somewhere on the Hilltown. Everywhere there were queues – at the baker, the butcher and the grocer. Still, I was grateful that Rosie did the shopping now. I felt that maybe I could get on with my life without the worry of Lily or Dad as they were now in Rosie’s safe and capable hands.

  I decided to go to the Overgate. Perhaps seeing Granny would cheer me up. She was sitting at the window, chatting to Alice but there was no sign of Grandad.

  She poured out a strong black cup of tea but didn’t mention the war or the bombings. My mind was in a turmoil over the recent happenings in Clydebank. I recalled Ma’s warning of our dark horizons and I now knew what she meant. She had warned me we all had to face them but that some people would be luckier than others.

  Was I one of the lucky ones? And Lily. Obviously Danny, Minnie and Peter had been the unlucky ones. I felt tears spring into my eyes but didn’t want to cry in front of Granny. She had enough to contend with without my weeping and wailing.

  Suddenly there was a commotion on the stairs and Granny darted from the window. ‘I don’t believe it!’ she said.

  I became alarmed. ‘Is it the German army?’

  She chuckled. ‘Och, no – it’s good news. Anyway the Jerries won’t invade this country because they know they’ve been beaten.’

  Well, maybe they wouldn’t invade I thought but they were doing a grand job of destroying it.

  Granny threw open the door and Bella stood on the threshold. Then to my utter joy and delight I saw Minnie and she was clutching Peter’s hand. They both looked worn out and their clothes were dusty and torn. But they were both alive. I ran towards them and threw my arms around them both. I realised I was crying but I didn’t care.

  Granny was crying as well – as were Bella and Alice. ‘Och, it’s great to see you both again. We all thought you were dead in the bombing.’

  As she went over to put the kettle on, Minnie sat down wearily while Peter ran over to the box by the fireside for the comics. Thankfully there was a pile of them and he sat down with his nose against the pages.

  Once we were all sitting with cups of tea, Minnie told us about her lucky escape. ‘I have to thank the old couple next door because they were the ones that insisted we went to the shelter. Peter had this bad cold so I was going to stay in the house but they wouldn’t listen to me. The old man picked Peter up and carried him to the shelter so of course I had to follow, didn’t I? To start with I wasn’t pleased with them but, when we came out in the morning, the entire street had vanished. And not just our street either – there’s hardly a house left standing.’

  We were shocked by the ferocity of the German attacks. And it wasn’t only Clydebank that had been hit. Places like Glasgow, Greenock and other towns had also been badly bombed.

  There were tears in Minnie’s eyes and I was crying at her story.

  ‘We were taken to this refuge centre but it was crammed full with folk so most of us who had families elsewhere decided to leave.’

  Granny asked her, ‘Where are your neighbours now, Minnie? The old couple who saved you both?’

  ‘They’ve got a married son who works on a farm in Fife so they’ve gone there.’ For the first time since she’d come in, I saw her lips twitch with a semblance of a smile. ‘And I’ve come home to my mother. She says she’s so grateful we’re both alive that she’ll never clean her house again. Still we’ll see.’ She became serious again. ‘I’m just so grateful that we’re still here – me and wee Peter.’

  Bella, who had been strangely quiet during the story, asked, ‘What about your man, Minnie?’

  ‘Well, I’ll have to write to him and tell him we’re safe but will he get the letter? That’s the question.’

  ‘Do you know where he is?’ asked Granny.

  She shook her head. ‘His last letter was posted in England but it was censored so much that I don’t know what to think. Reading between the lines, I think he’s maybe overseas now.’ She sighed. ‘What a terrible war this is.’

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bsp; She then asked about Maddie and Danny and cried when I told her Danny was missing, presumed dead.

  ‘Oh, that’s terrible for Maddie and Daniel!’ She shook her head as if words failed her and we knew how she was feeling.

  She stood up. ‘I’ll have to get more clothes as what we’re wearing is all we have – everything is gone.’

  Granny said softly, ‘Oh, I think you’ll find that folk will help you out and you can get Peter into the school.’

  I gave them both another hug at the door. Peter was pleased he could take the comics home with him. I walked down to the end of the close with them and watched as they walked away towards the Hawkhill.

  Suddenly I didn’t feel sad any more. It was a strange feeling but I felt, from now on, they would be all right.

  Rosie was back at work and it was my turn to do the shopping. A large woman stood in front of me in the butcher’s queue. She was bemoaning how hard it was to feed her six children on the measly rations. This sentiment was echoed by the rest of the queue whose members were becoming restless.

  The reason for this wait became clear when a tiny elderly woman began to argue with the butcher. ‘Do I have to get all that fat with my bit of meat?’

  I couldn’t hear the butcher’s voice but the wee woman’s anger came out loud and clear. ‘Well, I’m not paying good money for all that fat.’

  We tried to peer inside and listen to the butcher’s reply, only to see him lift up a large knife. A loud collective scream arose from the women at the head of the queue. To their relief, or maybe disappointment, whichever way you looked at it, he merely trimmed a sliver of fat from the piece of meat.

  The wee woman emerged from the shop and we all stared at her. Then someone began to clap and we all joined in with the applause.

  The woman had a twinkle in her eye. ‘That’s the first time I’ve had a round of applause for standing up for myself.’

  After that, I noticed the butcher trimming more thin slivers of fat from the meat but the woman in front of me wasn’t impressed. ‘He’ll just put it into the mince and the sausages,’ she proclaimed.