Towards a Dark Horizon Read online

  Lily arrived in the bedroom. She was ready to go and she even had her coat buttoned up to her neck. As we were leaving she said, ‘Why is Maddie with somebody else and not with Danny?’

  Why indeed. ‘She’s just going to a dance with Colin. You heard her – he works with her dad in his office.’

  ‘Does Danny not mind?’

  ‘Well, Maddie and Danny have agreed to wait until her exams are over before they make any plans, Lily.’ I hoped this would satisfy her and keep her quiet on this thorny subject.

  ‘Does that mean I’ll not be a flower girl at the wedding?’

  ‘Och, I don’t know, Lily. Better wait till you’re asked.’ If I sounded harsh, she didn’t say but she didn’t mention the matter again and we set off towards Granny’s house.

  People had started to congregate around the City Square and all the barrows were in place. They had a huge selection of fancy hats, hooters and calendars piled high on each barrow. There was also a large amount of dressed herrings – poor wee fish dressed in crêpe paper coverings similar to frilly dresses.

  Lily’s eyes were like saucers. ‘Can I buy something, Ann? Please?’

  ‘What do you want?’

  She inspected the entire contents of every barrow before making up her mind. As I waited, I recalled the one and only time I had brought in the New Year in the Square. It had been the Hogmanay after Mum’s death and I had been with Maddie and Danny. How long ago it seemed.

  Lily had decided on her purchase. ‘Can I have a hat, please?’ She chose a garish-yellow hat with a motto pinned to its brim.

  ‘Take a calendar for Granny and something for Grandad.’

  She chose a calendar with a cute-looking Scottie dog and a dressed herring.

  When we reached the house I was dismayed to see Bella sitting with Granny. There was no sign of Grandad.

  I had made up my mind to keep quiet about Maddie’s visit, at least for the time being, and the sight of the gossip-loving Bella reinforced this – but I hadn’t reckoned on Lily.

  The minute our coats were off, she launched into the story of the evening dress. ‘Och, Granny, you should have seen it – it was lovely. I’m getting one like it when I grow up.’ She looked at me. ‘Ann says so.’

  Before I could answer, Bella butted in. ‘So she’s shown her face at last, has she? Snobby wee besom turning our Danny down like that.’ She looked at Lily. ‘What else happened?’

  Being a child, Lily was full of the event. She gladly chattered on. ‘She was with a man called Colin who works in her dad’s office and they’re going to a ball in the Queen’s Hotel. They came in a car and we went down the stair to say cheerio to them because they didn’t want to be late for the ball.’ She finally stopped and beamed at us.

  ‘You’re quite the wee parrot, aren’t you?’ said Bella, snapping at her, which annoyed me because she had asked for the details from her.

  Lily went quiet and went to sit in the corner by the fire with her book. I was mad at Bella for taking all the pleasure of Maddie’s visit away from Lily. What right did this crabbit old woman have to chastise a child? Because of my anger I was frightened to say anything in case I went too far. Instead I asked Granny, ‘Where’s Grandad?’

  She was setting the table with a plate of shortbread and sultana cake. Getting ready for the crowd of first-footers who would come streaming through the door after midnight.

  ‘He’s gone to the pub down the road with some of his cronies. He hardly goes to the pub these days because he doesn’t like the cigarette smoke. It makes him cough for days after.’

  I was glad he was out with his old pals and I just wished that Granny could also have a break but Bella never once offered to do anything. It was the same on all her visits. She commandeered the best chair then did nothing but complain and criticise.

  I noticed the house had been cleaned in preparation for the New Year and I thought Granny looked tired. Still, it was difficult to tell with her. We had all relied on her strength over the years and I hoped she wasn’t doing too much.

  Lily was still sitting very quietly. I went over and noticed she was silently crying. I knelt down and put my arms around her. This made her sobs vocal.

  Granny came over and asked, ‘What’s the matter, my wee pet? What’s wrong with you?’

  She continued to cry but said nothing.

  I said, ‘Tell us what’s wrong, Lily. We can’t help you if you don’t say a word, can we?’

  Before she could answer, Bella snapped, ‘For heaven’s sake, stop fussing over her. It’s aye the same – “Lily what’s wrong?” or “Lily what’s the matter?” Just let her cry if she wants to. That’s my advice.’

  I spoke without thinking and I was angry. ‘Well, Bella, we don’t need your advice. It’s Granny and me who are bringing up Lily and I don’t see you helping very much.’

  Bella seemed outraged by my tirade. To tell the truth, I hadn’t meant to be so harsh with my words. Bella glared at me and said huffily, ‘Well, it’ll be a different matter when you’re married to your young man – who’ll look after her then, tell me that?’

  Lily burst into a fresh bout of tears and clung to me.

  I was annoyed by Bella’s outburst but she was well known in the family for coming out with the wrong thing at the wrong time.

  Before I could answer, she snapped, ‘I just told your sister that she’ll have to go into a home when you get married. You can’t expect your granny to work her fingers to the bone for the two of you.’ She sat back in her chair, well pleased with herself.

  I looked at Granny and we both realised at that moment the reason for Lily’s insecurity. It was this stupid woman’s remarks.

  Granny’s face was white and I knew she was beside herself with anger. She marched straight up to Bella. ‘How dare you speak like that to a wee lassie? Especially when it’s none of your ruddy business. You’ve aye had a selfish streak Bella and, if the world is not revolving around you, you don’t like it.’

  Bella stood up. ‘I’m not putting up with this. I’m leaving.’ But she stood still as if hoping Granny would persuade her to stay.

  Instead, Granny said, ‘Right, Bella, I’ll get your coat.’

  As Granny went into the lobby, I comforted Lily. ‘Now listen to me. Bella had no right to tell you all that nonsense, Lily. I’m not getting married to Greg – at least not just yet – and I’ll aye be here for you. Do you understand that?’ She nodded and I continued, ‘I’ll be here until you’re grown up and then it’ll be your turn to leave me.’

  Her grip tightened around my neck and she put her wet face against mine. ‘Och, Ann, I’ll never leave you – never!’

  I said, ‘Well, then, that’s settled – we’ll never leave one another.’

  She gave me a watery smile.

  Meanwhile Bella was still on her high horse. She was either waiting for her coat or an apology. Granny appeared with the coat. She stomped out of the house in high dudgeon, vowing never to darken the door again.

  After her departure, the room became quiet. Granny went over to the table and returned with a plate of shortbread and cake. She then brought over the bottle of sherry and two small glasses. ‘Speak about families at war. Now I know where Hattie gets her nature from.’ She looked at Lily. ‘Go and get your bottle of cordial, wee lass.’

  Lily ran to the cupboard and came back with her blackcurrant cordial and a tumbler. Granny filled the sherry glasses and passed the plate around. ‘Let’s bring in the New Year early, Lily. I feel I need this sherry to calm me down. What a year it’s been! Nothing but trouble but let’s hope next year is better.’

  We raised our glasses to that. I planned to tell her about my sighting of Danny but that could wait. So we sat in companionable silence and sipped our drinks. Lily’s face was still tearstained and she looked so solemn. I gave her a huge wink and she burst into peals of laughter.

  ‘Away and wash your face, Lily,’ said Granny. ‘We don’t want you looking like that when the bel
ls ring, do we?’

  Lily went over to the sink by the window.

  ‘And another thing, we want to hear you laugh more and you’ve not to listen to folk like Bella ever again.’

  ‘Granny’s right, Lily, and, if I’m ever a wee bit late at the school gate, you’ve to stay where you are or go home with Janie if you’re asked.’

  She nodded happily. All her little dark clouds now vanished. I just wished she had told me earlier about her worries.

  A sudden noise erupted from the street. There was the sound of people’s voices and the rasping sound from hundreds of hooters. It was midnight.

  ‘Happy New Year to you both,’ said Granny. ‘We’re now into 1937.’

  There was a knock on the door. Granny smoothed her hair and removed her apron. She then went to welcome her first-foot.

  To her utter amazement it was Bella.

  ‘I’ve come to say sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it, Nan.’

  Granny hugged her. ‘Come away in, you daft beggar.’

  Bella looked contrite when she came into the room.

  Granny said, ‘Bella has come to say sorry to us and I think we should accept her apologies. What do you say, Lily?’

  Lily was confused by being in this sudden spotlight. She glanced at me but Bella said, ‘I should never have said what I said and I’m sorry.’

  It was then that I suddenly saw her for what she was – a sad, lonely old woman and, although I was still annoyed by all the worry she had put Lily through, her apology had to be a first in that we could ever recall. There was hope for her yet.

  I spoke for both of us. ‘Thank you, Bella, we both accept your apology but it’s not to happen again. I’m not planning on leaving

  – either now or in the future – and Lily knows this.’

  Bella fell into her chair and Granny offered her some shortbread and a sherry. Then a loud knock on the door startled us.

  ‘Oh my God!’ said Granny. ‘What a racket!’

  It was Dad and Grandad with a crowd of their pals. I noticed Joe amongst them and I hoped he wouldn’t go on about Germany. He made a beeline for Bella. Birds of a feather, I thought, but they both seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Bella could rabbit on about her bad health while Joe gave his dire prophecies of another war.

  I then noticed that Dad wasn’t with Rosie and my heart fell. I had hoped he would take her out this Hogmanay and I even harboured notions that he might propose to her at this time. After all, it was a favourite time for marriages and announcements of betrothals.

  Rosie and her mother Alice soon put in an appearance from next door and, although Dad spoke to them both, he didn’t leave the company of his friends.

  Rosie moved over to my side and my heart sank even further when I saw how she was dressed. I knew my wardrobe was hardly Coco Chanel but Rosie didn’t seem to have the knack of wearing anything that matched. She looked like an overstuffed sofa. Her shapeless green dress was covered by an equally shapeless brown cardigan. She wore thick lisle stockings and her shoes could only be described as sturdy and sensible. Her hair was tied back in a large bun at the nape of her neck and, as usual, strands kept escaping from the thick net. The sad thing was that she was quite a good-looking woman but not when she looked like this. She gave me such a lovely smile and I felt so sad.

  Dad was very fond of her as she was such a lovely person. But Connie, who really knew men, always said it was the outer wrapping that men went for – no matter how shrewish or sharp was the core.

  Rosie had been talking and I realised with a feeling of guilt that I hadn’t been listening. She gave me a prod. ‘What do think, Ann?’

  I stared at her. What was she talking about?

  ‘Ann, do you think your Dad likes me?’

  ‘Of course he does, Rosie. Why are you asking?’

  She blushed a deep shade of red. Although she was in her forties, it gave her a girlish, naive look and I suddenly felt so sorry for her. If I could have given Dad a sharp kick at that moment, then I would have gladly done it.

  She lowered her voice although it was hardly necessary with all the loud merriment in the room. ‘If I tell you something, Ann, will you keep it to yourself?’

  For a brief wild moment I thought Dad had already proposed to her. I nodded eagerly.

  ‘Well, I’ve just been thinking that I’m not going to wait any longer on your Dad asking me to marry him.’

  She stopped and bit her lip while my mind was in a turmoil. Was Rosie telling me she had found someone else?

  She glanced around the room as if umpteen pairs of ears were listening. When she was satisfied they weren’t, she went on, ‘It’s like this. We’re now at the end of another year and there’s been no approach from him so I thought I would take the bull by the horns and ask him to marry me. I’ll do the proposing.’

  I was so astonished that I almost burst out laughing but her face was deadly serious.

  ‘I work with this pal of mine in the mill and she was telling me that, one Hogmanay, she asked her bloke to marry her because she was fed up waiting for him to make the first move.’

  ‘And did he marry her, Rosie?’

  Her face lit up. ‘Aye, that’s the best part. Seemingly he was too shy to ask her and he was glad she had taken the initiative. She told me that’s what I should do.’

  I was very dubious. I glanced over to where Dad was standing with his pals and they were roaring with laughter. Apart from his initial greeting to Rosie, he hadn’t bothered with her company all night. Quite honestly, he didn’t seem to be pining away with love for her or, for that matter, too shy to proclaim it.

  The last thing I wanted was for her to get hurt. She was too nice a person for that. I wondered if Dad would accept her proposal. I couldn’t see it. Although this was what the entire family wanted to see, I always thought, if he did marry her it would be because of friendship and affection. Was he totally and madly in love with her? Sadly the answer was no.

  She was gazing at me with her clear brown eyes while trying to tuck the unruly hair back into place. ‘Well, what do you think, Ann?’

  What did I think? What did I know about men? Precious little which made me the last person to advise her. I wished that Connie could be here. She was a fount of knowledge when it came to people. Although never getting married herself, she had seen so many human emotions over her long years in the shop that she was an expert – at least in my opinion.

  Rosie was waiting eagerly for my answer. ‘I can’t tell you what to do because I don’t know what’s in Dad’s mind.’ That was the truth.

  ‘He must have given you a clue, Ann. Does he mention me a lot in the house. I mean we meet up most nights and we get on well enough. Surely he’s said something to you?’

  ‘He’s never mentioned marriage to me Rosie.’ Her face fell.

  I didn’t want to hurt her so I hurried on quickly. ‘But that’s not to say that he doesn’t think about it himself.’

  Her mind was made up. ‘Right, then, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll catch him later when he’s on his own.’

  Blast it, I thought. I couldn’t let her make such a big mistake. Dad might accept but on the other hand he could turn her down with his own brand of humour. Knowing him, he might take her proposal with a laugh and not treat it in a serious way.

  I didn’t know what to do.

  She smoothed her wrinkled frock and squared her shoulders.

  Oh, no, she was going to tackle him now. I grabbed her arm. ‘Rosie, you did ask for my advice, didn’t you?’

  She nodded, her eyes wary.

  ‘Well, I think you should wait a bit longer before asking him. It may have worked with your pal but I don’t think it’ll work with Dad. Honestly, I think you should think it over again and bide your time – at least till next Hogmanay – and, if he hasn’t asked you by then, well go ahead with your plan.’

  She looked as if she was about to cry. ‘Next Hogmanay, Ann. That’s another year away.’

&nb
sp; ‘Well, you did ask me, Rosie, and that’s what I advise. For all you know, he’ll maybe ask you to marry him soon. Maybe he’s got something up his sleeve that we don’t know about. I mean he could maybe be on the point of making a romantic proposal like the ex-King.’

  Poor Rosie – her eyes were wet with unshed tears and her romantic notion of being another Wallis Simpson was dashed.

  ‘Right, then, Ann, I’ll do what you say and I just hope he’ll not be long in asking me. Otherwise, I’m asking him and I don’t promise to wait till next Hogmanay.’

  It was the best I could hope for and, to my relief, she was no longer on the point of asking him now. Then, suddenly, I had doubts. Had I done the right thing? Maybe Dad was shy of making that first move and maybe he would have welcomed Rosie taking the initiative.

  A crowd of people had just entered the room and I noticed a couple of women from the next close. Dad gave them both a kiss that looked so passionate that I was embarrassed for both myself and Rosie. Then they all laughed and I realised I hadn’t been wrong in warning her away – at least for the time being.

  Why did he have to be such a flirt? What he really needed in his life was a woman who would be just like him and do the same thing back – not sweet and adoring cow-eyed Rosie.

  Rosie drifted off towards the crowd that surrounded Dad while I went to put Lily to her bed. She was in her element, going around the room and wishing everyone a happy New Year. Granny saw me take her towards her tiny room in the lobby and she came to give me a hand. The room, although minuscule, was functional and just big enough for her bed. It was also reasonably quiet. The noise from the kitchen seemed like the faraway sound of the sea.

  Lily was exhausted. She had wanted to stay up but she was asleep in minutes.

  I said to Granny, ‘I don’t see Hattie. Is she not coming?’

  Granny shook her head. ‘No, she has to work at the Pringles’ house tomorrow. You know how they aye have a crowd of their relations on New Year’s Day?’

  I nodded. How well I remembered an earlier time when Maddie was annoyed at having to play the piano to entertain them instead of coming to Lochee with Danny and me.